Every once in a while I look back at my life and think what it would be like if certain people never came into it, if certain things did not happen, and if I was at a different place at a different time. I often sit in the past and ponder what could have been. I have been told it is a bad thing to stay in the past, but one thing I have learned is to move on from the past but also remember it. I am choosing to write a letter to my younger self as if I were giving advice. Advice that I would have wanted when I was younger. I do not regret anything I have been through but there are some things I would change if I could.
Dear Kaitlyn,
I know you will not listen to me now as your decisions are your own. You are a strong girl and will turn out to be a strong women. I do however have some advice for you.
Please do not lose your playful and electrifying personality. There are going to be so many times people will try to take this away from you. Sadly, these are the people you let close to you. Learn to let go of those things that do not benefit you in any way. I do not mean physical benefits. I mean benefits such as challenging your mind in a good way, helping you see yourself in a positive way, and those who cheer you on during you accomplishments. When you get older, it is so hard to let go of everything you are holding on to. Let it go.
Those friends are not your real friends. Real friends are hard to come by. You have one really good friend as an adult and she is the best person ever. Those friends who try to convince you to do things you are not comfortable with, do not really care about you. Understand that if they bring drama to you and talk bad about others to you, they are doing the same thing behind your back. Also understand that sometimes a friendship can be so good but it is ruined by love. You will understand one day, but they loved you the same way you loved them and it caused a divide and ultimate ruin of the friendship. Never fight with friends over guys or girls, you will understand that when you are older too. There is a such thing as girl code. Some people do not believe in this. It is okay to be friends with people who have different views and different beliefs but never drop your beliefs for a friend. They are yours.
Ah, relationships. This is a tough one. I am still trying to figure it out myself. Those who force you to do things you do not want to, do not love you. Those who take advantage of you when you are not in a good headspace, whether mentally or through drinks, do not love you. A man who loves you will never hit you, barracade a door where you cannot leave, financially abuse you, gaslight you, and take your own self worth from you. You are worth more than anything in the world and if someone makes you feel less than, they do not love you. I cannot give much more advice than that. Just know the right man does come along and treats you with respect and dignity. He will do simple things like get you flowers and open your car door but he will also be there for the hard stuff. He will help you when you are down on your knees, metaphorically, and feel as though everything is crushing you and there is no way out. He will be there for you when you feel like the only way to get better is out and he will tell you how valuable you are to this world. And trust me, dad will like him.
Lastly, my sweet girl, mom and dad are truly angels. You have to remember that they are living this life for the first time and growing up just like you are. You will fight with mom over things that are so dumb that neither of you will remember why it was started. You will want to leave as soon as you possibly can only to go back and lay in there bed with them and cry about everything. Believe it or not, dad is actually protecting you. Just listen. Both of them will always be there for you. They do not mean harm but just like you, sometimes things do not come out the way they mean. When you cry about situations you cannot control, they cry too. They just do not let you see it. Mom will be your best friend and your ride or die. She will sit and talk with you like you guys went to school together but she will also give mom advice on things she has been through. I am not saying do everything she says, but listen to the advice. You will understand why she is the way she is.
I just want the world for you and wish I gave it to you back then without holding you back. Do not be scared. Take leaps of faith. Have fun. Learn lots of things. Continue to love with all your heart.
Love you girl,
Kaitlyn (Age 25)
Love you sis!!!