While most of us dreamed of being an adult where we did not have to follow rules or bedtimes, we did not actually understand what we were signing up for. When you hit the age of 16, most of us get a car and start driving but the gas tends to be paid for. Also at 16, we can get a job and most of us have the ability to be frugal with the money we make. Once you turn 18, that frugalness is over with. You are now required to pay for groceries and gas on your own. That game you wanted that was $60, now you actually have to save for it. When you are 16, it sucks having to ask mom or dad if you can hang out with friends, but you think "once I go to college" or "once I move out" you will be able to do whatever you want. You can, but those "friends" you had in high school seem to fall off the face of the earth once graduation is over. Some people get lucky and get to still have those one or two friends they still hang out with, but that group? It will most likely be broken up. Another huge point we tend to think about when we are teenagers is that everyone will be responsible and respectful to one another. The harsh reality of that smacks you in the face when you realize the coworker you told about your night out, is just like Diana from high school. They will take whatever you say and turn it around and start rumors. Adults never really leave high school. So what is the harsh reality of adulting?
Adulting is HARD!
As someone who really has only been an adult for about 5 years, the reality came when I turned 18. I was so excited to get out of my parents house and explore the world. I understood that going to college right out of high school there may be those individuals who did not grow up over the summer. Little did I know even the professors did not grow up over the summer. I remember having to be at the mess hall to eat, luckily with my roommates, because we really did not have any money to run to Cane's and get some chicken before the big game. I remember texting my parents asking for $20 for gas. Back in 2017, I could fill up my car for $20. I realized then just how expensive it was to be an adult. Then to realize I do not have my mom to run to when I had a problem. That hit me like a ton of bricks. My mom was and still is my rock. Being away from her for the first time and not being able to lay in bed and cry to her about the assignment I did not get the grade I expected or crying about the boy who broke my heart when in reality he needed a shower more than a girlfriend. I remember asking my parents to send me money just so I could come home and be around people who actually liked me for the weekend. Not having my dad, on the other hand, was a whole lot of learning to stand up to males who thought they deserved to put there hands on me when we were drinking because we all came as a group. I really learned then just how much my dad had protected me but also how to stand toe to toe with a man that was a foot taller than I was.
As I got older and moved back with my parents after college, they told me if I wanted a phone, I had to pay for it. If I had to make a doctor's appointment, I had to call. That was hard the first time I talked to a scheduler for an appointment. Then came the harsh realities of the sex talk. Of course in high school you get the talk and start to explore, but once you become an adult, its not that it changes, but things get more serious. Between stalkers from one night stands and catching feelings quick, you parents cannot exactly tell you to stay away from them of vice versa. I started to learn to take responsibility for myself. I did not want to be 25 and still living with my parents, which I am not, and sorry mom and dad. I love you all but I know you needed space. I started paying for community college on my own while working at Smoothie King that was an hour drive from my house. I felt pretty great about it until that first phone bill and gas after a week hit my bank account. I had to learn some hard lessons along the way and these examples just barely scratch the surface of those lessons.
Tips I Have Learned About Adulting
Save money because it truly rules the world. They told us when we were younger that money doesn't grow on trees. Sadly, this is the truth. That money you had saved for that game you were going to buy, now it goes to your car because it needs an oil change. That weekend event with the nice expensive drinks and the fancy 4 course meal you were going to with your babe, its cancelled. That money now goes to the medical bill you didn't know you had. It is very difficult to save money but when you do have the extra, try not to be frugal with it. It will hurt you in the long run.
You do not need to "go out" to have fun with friends. This is a hard one alot of people struggle with to include myself. I constantly feel like I have to go somewhere or do something to have those friends who want to hang out. This is the complete opposite. I cannot tell you how many times I have been invited to someone's house for a homemade dinner or just for movies and popcorn and had the time of my life. Going out involves other people, drama, money, and honestly cause for chaos. Keep it simple.
Planners suck, just use your notes app. Now this is not a tip for everyone. I saw so many adults growing up using a planner I thought they were absolutely amazing and I was going to use a planner and have a special notebook too. This is the opposite. All those I saw using the planners were teachers because my mom was a teacher. It saves money not having to buy one but also it's right there on your phone. If you like planners but suck at writing things down, put it in your notes app. I have so many notes of things I will not forget because I know I wrote it down and I always keep it with me.
You will cry, a lot. Remember Fergie's song "Big Girls Don't Cry". Well, they do and sometimes they do it in there bosses office or during their bathroom break. It is okay to cry and okay to feel as though you have no idea what is going on because trust me none of us do. Both women and men cry. I saw adults as strong people because I never saw them cry, well they did not want the kids to see them cry. Money makes things difficults, relationships suck, work sucks, and honestly being an adult sucks. Cry it out then boss out.
Relationships still suck. Just because they, and I mean men and women, are doing the bare minimum does not mean they are worthy of your love. There will be a seperate post on this but trust me they are not worth your time. If you feel like you are in a 90s Love Song music video everytime you and your boo are together, I promise you its not worth it. Everyone needs time to themselves but if you do not seem like a priority to them, you aren't. You should not be fighting all the time either. It is not healthy for you or them. This is a hard truth that many people cannot cope with. Relationships should be 50/50. If you feel like you cannot do your half or you are doing over your half, it is time to leave them.
Pets are truly the best company. Hopefully you learned this from a young age but pets are the best company and when you have no one to talk to, they are the best ear for you. They show unconditional love, are there for you 24/7, and keep you company. The good thing is they don't talk back either. They may throw attitude sometimes or bark at every sound in the neighborhood but at least you know they will never leave your side.
You do not need the newest trending items. Yes, that new iPhone 15 looks so good and you have had yours for two years, but if you get the new one your bill will go up by $30 and you do not want to deal with that. Those nice looking Gucci sandals, trust me you can find them at target for way cheaper. Do not be afraid of using dupes of items that are hot and trending right now. Sharon from work will still think your bag is cute whether it is a true Chanel or a dupe from Temu.
Your parents were right. Most things they were right about, I cannot give them all the credit. Do not tell my mom I said she was right. They were right about that loser you were dating not going anywhere, he is still living in his mom's basement. They were right about that job seeming too good to be true. They were right about that top making you look like you should be on a pole, instead going to an interview, which no hate to dancers, yall get your money. Just trust me they were right.
As much as they piss you off, family will always have your back. Whether it is blood or someone who was your mom's best friend in high school that you call auntie, they will always have your back. Having your back though, also means telling you when you need to stop and smell the roses. Interventions were not made to hurt people but to help them. Always listen but understand you do not need to take the advice.
Everything happens for a reason. This one I live by. You forgot your wallet at home and had to turn back and when you got to that one scary intersection, there was a big accident. That could have saved your life. You got moved from the shift you loved to night shift, well guess what, it involves a promotion. I truly believe there is a reason for everything. Even if you cannot see the reason now, I promise one day you will.
These tips are not for everyone and may not pertain to everyone. These are just a few things I have learned this far while being an adult that I feel others can find useful. If you understand that you never know what someone is going through and treat everyone with kindness, you will see a change in the adult you are to the one you wish to be. Adulting is hard but at least you are not alone in it!
